LAUSR

ABSTRACT Objective Conflict poses multiple relational and health risks. Dyadic stress theories suggest satisfaction and communication alter cardiovascular and autonomic function, key pathways from troubled relationships to poor health. However, “we-talk,” a positive communication pattern, can strengthen relationships and promote health. We examined how each spouse’s satisfaction and we-talk were related to conflict’s physiological, relational, and emotional toll. Methods Married couples (n = 107 couples, 214 individuals, ages 40–87 years) who were mostly White, highly educated, and higher-income Americans in different-gender relationships engaged in 20-minute conflict discussions while wearing monitors to assess heart rate variability (HRV). Spouses rated their closeness immediately after conflict and their conflict rumination 2 hours later. Conflict transcriptions measured we-talk, or the proportion of first-person plural pronouns (we, us, our). Results Satisfied spouses or those in mutually satisfying relationships had higher HRV during conflict (b = 0.0001, p = .049), felt closer immediately after conflict (b = 0.07, p < .001), and ruminated less about the conflict 2 hours later (b = −0.26, p = .026). Spouses’ HRV was highest (b = 0.0002, p = .002) and rumination was lowest (b = −0.49, p = .019) when they or their partners were satisfied and used we-talk more often. Women’s HRV (b = 0.0001, p = .035) and rumination (b = −0.01, p = .02) benefited when both spouses were satisfied, as did closeness when women were satisfied (b = 0.10, p < .001). Men’s closeness benefited when they (b = 0.04, p = .003) or their wives (b = 0.04, p = .002) were satisfied. Conclusions The combination of mutually satisfying relationships and we-talk was associated with better relational and health outcomes after conflict. These findings are important for middle-aged and older couples whose relationships are central to their health.